Raising an emotionally Intelligent Child

Author - John Gottman

Gottman explains how parents can teach children to understand and manage their emotions. The book offers practical strategies to foster empathy, resilience, and emotional intelligence, helping children navigate social and personal challenges effectively.

Genre - Parenting

Notes: Raising an emotionally Intelligent Child

• • The book is about helping your child understand and manage their feelings.
• • This leads to happier kids and stronger families.
• • It's not about stopping negative emotions, but about dealing with them well.
• • John Gottman calls this "Emotional Coaching."
• • There are five steps to becoming an Emotion Coach.
• • Step 1 is to be aware of your child's emotions.
• • Pay attention to their facial expressions, body language, and words.
• • Don't dismiss their feelings, even if they seem small to you.
• • Step 2 is to see a difficult emotion as a chance to connect.
• • These moments are opportunities to teach your child.
• • Even when they're upset, they still need your love and support.
• • Step 3 is to listen with empathy and validate their feelings.
• • Try to understand their point of view.
• • Say things like, "I see you're really frustrated."
• • Let them know it's okay to feel what they're feeling.
• • Step 4 is to help them name their emotions.
• • Teach them words for different feelings like sad, angry, scared, happy.
• • The more words they have, the better they can express themselves.
• • Step 5 is to set limits and help them solve problems.
• • Once they're calm, you can talk about what to do next.
• • Help them brainstorm solutions to their problems.
• • This teaches them coping skills for life.
• • Gottman identifies four types of parents who struggle with emotional coaching.
• • The "Dismissing" parent ignores or downplays emotions.
• • The "Disapproving" parent criticizes or punishes emotional expression.
• • The "Laissez-faire" parent lets children do whatever they want without guidance.
• • The "Challenging" parent sees emotions as unimportant or a sign of weakness.
• • Emotion Coaches, on the other hand, are supportive and guiding.
• • They understand that emotions are normal and valuable.
• • They help children understand the cause of their feelings.
• • They teach children how to manage intense emotions.
• • They help children learn how to solve problems related to their emotions.
• • Emotion Coaching helps children develop self-esteem.
• • It improves their social skills and ability to make friends.
• • It leads to better academic performance.
• • Emotionally intelligent children are more resilient.
• • They can bounce back from setbacks more easily.
• • They are better at regulating their behavior.
• • This means fewer temper tantrums and defiance.
• • Parents need to manage their own emotions first.
• • Your own emotional state affects how you respond to your child.
• • Learning to manage your anger and frustration is key.
• • Be mindful of your own emotional "triggers."
• • Practice self-soothing techniques for yourself.
• • Children learn by watching you.
• • Model healthy emotional expression and problem-solving.
• • It's okay to make mistakes as a parent.
• • The goal is progress, not perfection.
• • Revisit and practice these skills regularly.
• • Building emotional intelligence is a continuous journey.
• • The rewards are a happier, more well-adjusted child.
• • And a more harmonious family life for everyone.
• • This approach strengthens the parent-child bond.
• • It creates a safe space for children to be themselves.
• • Ultimately, it equips children for a successful and fulfilling life.